Money is one of our biggest stresses. It can make us feel ill, impact our mental health, affect relationships, reduce our quality of life, increase crime, compromise our values and diminish our contribution to society.
When you've worked hard all your life, and the government caused our hardship - I blame Truss and Kwateng for the price we've had to pay - I wonder why only 6 months is available to alleviate what is going to be falling off a cliff edge.
You're only given a short rope to climb out of a deep hole. The thing is you're not looking for a free ride, you'll still pay off your mortgage, but all your savings are being taken away, the banks are making billions, the politicians have all their perks, second jobs and blame everyone else. It's a cash flow issue.
18 or 24 months of being pushed to breaking point is no way to live. This is a country which favours the rich and lives off the back of the poor. That is the image perpetuated now.
You're basically fed up. It's a system that lacks any kind of reasonableness and continues to erode trust in government.
No one calls out this system. No main stream media tackles the heart of the problem. It is a broken country we live in. Capitalism and democracy are failing, not that the alternatives are better.
Interest rates are killing us. Their killing small businesses, everyday people and economies. The rich are getting richer but in the long term it will be to the detriment of all.
There is a helplessness. I see it everywhere - online and in real life. This video from BBC question time from last year gives you a sense of it.
Where is the vision, sensibility and humanity? Where are the great leaders? Where is the world going and what can we do about it?
Many of the most inspiring people in our world possessed an abundance of empathy. So why us it that at times, there seems to be so many people who lack empathy.
Is it the stiff traditional British keep calm carry on attitude?
When I see a lack of empathy in someone, it makes me wonder about their humanity. Perhaps it is an unfair leap.
In a world where we face one challenge after another, I want a more supportive environment. Where leaders and role models cannot find compassion for those who are struggling, where feelings are invalidated, I can't help but think are we losing our way?
As for people in my life, I want to spend more time with people if we are kind to each other. I am beginning to realise there is toxicity that we allow into our lives. We tolerate it.
Be kind is not just words we say. It is about values, behaviour and how we live. It doesn't mean we can't criticise, but it is also about knowing when to do so, how we deliver it and recognising there is a person on the other side, who may be fragile. We have periods when we are vulnerable and just need others to be there for us. We're not perpetual victims. We're not overly sensitive.
Yes we all make mistakes. We don't always see or hear what others are saying, or recognise what they need. It is easy to get caught up in our own problems.
Finding the balance in all of this is tricky. Empathy is power. It can strengthen you, those around you and is a trait we admire, but often take for granted. If there's one thing we can all work harder to do, it is to find more empathy for others.
Switzerland's biggest bank, UBS, is buying Credit Suisse in an emergency rescue deal, but what makes it significant is that this story is a part of a larger narrative of financial market panic.
Credit Suisse Group AG is a global investment bank and financial services firm founded in Zurich in 1856. UBS will pay more than $3 billion and assume up to $5.4 billion in losses.
The slow demise of Credit Suisse culminating in the merger will not surprise many people. The FT - Clock ticks for Credit Suisse video provides useful background, contextualising it's downfall.
All of this is reminiscent of Lehman's collapse and the Bank of America / Merrill Lynch merger in the financial crisis more than a decade ago. History repeats itself, despite changes in financial regulation and "lessons learned."
What does this mean for the man on the street?
Share prices will continue to fluctuate. The economy is spiralling. Jobs are at risk. More businesses will fail.
This is not a ripple. The collapse of Credit Suisse has vast implications, not to mention impacting the fragile foundation everything sits upon - confidence - which is crumbling.
UBS' involvement stems the tsunami but the rain is coming and it will continue in a bleak and depressing way.
What can individuals do?
Delay major investments. Cash flow is key in these difficult times. Try not to raid the rainy day funds and top up where possible.
Those already struggling should seek help from charities, friends and family. Share your stories with news outlets & social media to put pressure on governments to help with electricity & rising costs, because they aren't doing enough.
Recession
Whether we technically have a recession doesn't matter. Expect revisions to growth forecasts following this Credit Suisse saga. Times will be tough. Be kind and compassionate to others. Realise that this has physical and mental effects on everyone, no matter what their circumstances.
Health and Happiness
In economic downturns, it can be hard to focus on health and happiness. It is probably more important than ever.
The standard food and fitness advice prevails. It's easy to deprioritise and let stress overwhelm us. I highly recommend mindfulness and finding free activities that help you to relax.
Happiness can be found in simple things - a walk, a conversation with someone or listening to your favourite song. Incorporate these into your routine and do something everyday as being happy is a matter of practice, practice and practice.
This morning, I read a summary of the Depp v Heard defamation trial: the entertainment story that has come up in casual conversation and zoom calls for weeks because everyone is aware, if not reading, following or opining on the subject of domestic abuse, dirty laundry, liars, #metoo and every other angle they can consider.
I confess I was a huge Johnny Depp fan as a teen and young adult. He seemed like a true artist in indy roles, but not interested in fanning the flames of stardom, rather shy and just kind of cool but not arrogant. Johnny Depp bought fans pints in the pub, played the guitar with kids who were waiting for their parents on set and he dressed up as a pirate in children's hospitals. Depp rushed his sick child to Great Ormond St. He cared about people.
Furthermore, I must confess I have never been a fan of Heard. I didn't see her appeal or think she was interesting in any way. I saw the Depp-Heard marriage as an older man going through a mid-life crisis. He shouldn't have left Vanessa Paridis and his kids. Just another cliche, I thought. A family man, devoted to his girlfriend and their kids is sexy. Insecure Johnny Depp, chasing youth, getting high and no longer doing any indy films is lame. That was one of the many reasons that ended the appeal of Johnny Depp for me.
Image: Royal Courts of Justice by Mahosadha Ong
Johnny Depp's 2020 UK Libel Court Case (The Sun Newspaper)
Nevertheless, I consumed the 2020 libel court case in London like I was gorging at a buffet. I even bothered with some of the court transcripts to explore some of the finer details of the case. It was a great escape from the horrors of the pandemic and lockdowns.
The Sun newspaper called Depp a "wife beater." The UK judge concluded Heard was to be believed more than Depp as a witness, and ruled against Depp. He concluded the article was "substantially true" and 12 of the 14 alleged incidents of domestic violence occurred.
Libel
What struck me about this case was that a newspaper could make a claim and splash a headline accusing a man of being an abuser, but at trial, the judge considers facts the newspaper did not know at the time.
So I can make a statement today which I know may be false, but so long as in the future, I can prove it is largely true, I am innocent. It means I can take a gamble with someone's reputation. That is troubling for all of us. It provides much greater power to newspapers and sensationalist headlines.
Perhaps that has always been the case with libel. Thirty years ago this might have been fine. The internet was not yet in full swing. We relied on newspapers and magazines only. Judgments weren't made based on limited information and the public didn't have a 2 second attention span.
The law has gone in the wrong direction
I do not believe a newspaper should be allowed headlines or articles based on speculation. We need a higher standard from our media, especially when it comes to someone's reputation. In today's culture of social media, we have too much mud slinging and nastiness. The media cannot contribute to this without sufficient evidence. Otherwise, how can we trust them as a source of information?
Image: Graffiti by Ran Berkovich
What do we believe?
What also struck me in this case was that one witness who had been a friend or makeup artist of Heard, said she had been a victim of domestic violence. She had confided in Heard. Heard's account then used the same story and words of her friend when she told her story. It cast doubt in my mind about Heard's credibility. I realised I did not want to believe Depp was an abuser. However, I also did not want to think Heard could lie about being a victim.
The judge chose to believe Heard more than Depp. I was not in the court room. He was. BUT, he also has his biases too.
Interestingly, it seems this same testimony was not put forward in the US case - either because it was not strong enough evidence, it was considered less credible or it was not admissible.
The London case was Depp v a newspaper. The American case is Depp v Heard. It is a she said - he said case. The only biases and opinion that matters in this case will be the jury's.
Except for the court of public opinion, but I'll write about that later.
The US Defamation Case (Washington Post Open Editorial by Amber Heard)
I've watched snippets of live testimony, read several articles and given more thought to the US case than I actually have time for.
In many ways, I'm writing this blog post to figure out what my verdict is. I don't know what to believe or who to believe. This big beautiful world we live in is full of contradictions, misinformation and confusion. The Depp v Heard trial reflects that.
Abuse
Both Depp and Heard are lying or reflecting on a version of their truth that may not be entirely accurate. The couples' therapist said they both abused each other, though Heard initiated it more. What does abuse mean? Was it physical, verbal or both? If Depp was just physically defending himself because Heard initiated, does that still make him an abuser?
Other than the couple's therapist, Depp's team did not have any other domestic abuse experts. Does that mean Depp wasn't really a victim of domestic abuse? I don't know. It could be for any number of reasons.
Kate Moss' testimony was only 3 minutes. There are legal reasons why some questions could not be asked or why she could not say some things.
Image: by Colin Davis
Fault
In any relationship, both parties are at fault. No one is completely innocent. In a domestic violence case, both can be victims and abusers. Historically the narrative has always been one victim and one abuser.
Where there are drugs, alcohol and mental health issues involved, as is the case with both parties here, recollections may vary.
Heard has video recordings. Depp also sent text messages to friends making some heinous suggestions about Heard. They are abhorrent and shatter the nice guy image he has crafted.
Audio recordings of Depp include him saying to Heard:
"Shut the f*** up ... don't f***** pretend to be authoritative with me. You don't exist."
In a text message, Depp writes "let's drown her before we burn her."
Depp has apologised, dismissing words and actions as humour. It is evidence like this which adversely affects Depp's credibility.
On a Graham Norton show, Depp appeared to be under the influence of something. His behaviour was odd and Dame Judi Dench looked uncomfortable. It bothered me long afterwards and I even googled it to discover according to ladbible, others had also wondered was he drunk or high?
Mid-life crisis?
Whether this was the drugs, Amber Heard, his mid-life crisis, or a combination of all of these and more, who knows, but he seems to be a man who is deeply unhappy.
Depp was a man who preferred his privacy. But now, he has opened himself up to the media circus. Stories about severed fingers and writing with blood on the wall - it sounds like a bad horror story.
Depp says the trial is to defend his name. I suspect it is because he has become accustomed to a lifestyle and seeks the big pay packets from Hollywood. He fell in love with the glory of Pirates of the Carribean.
The reports of wild spending, substance abuse, bad behaviour on set, costing studios money because shooting was delayed, requiring ear pieces because he doesn't learn lines and crazy costly demands for perks do not paint a flattering picture of a humble down-to-earth nice guy.
I felt he became a sell out. Instead of pursuing the art and being an actor, he was a performer churning out movies. He no longer had any interest in indy films. It was just about the money. Sure, enjoy buying islands and flying in private jets, but was everything you used to do - the decent artistic guy, was that all just a lie?
As he grew older, he enjoyed the attention of a young woman, ie Amber Heard. He turned away from Vanessa Paridis and the simple life they built.
Perhaps he blamed Heard for this. Or maybe he has always had an unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol. The stable marriage and children with Paridis did not bring out the extremism that Heard did.
Depp is imperfect. Did he throw things and show his temper? Probably. Did he cause bruises to Heard? Possibly.
There's an audio recording where Heard admits to hitting Depp. In another, she mocks any claim Depp might make that he is a victim of domestoc violence.
Did Heard incite Depps behaviour? Probably sometimes. Has she exaggerated anything? Probably. Is she a victim? I don't know.
Depp calls Heard a:
"Gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flashy fish market. "
Heard after alleged incidents professes love and her text messages suggest she was not abused. This is not necessarily indicative that abuse did not happen. Maybe she is a gold digger. Maybe she has spun some lies and faked photographs. That does not mean Depp is not an abuser. This is a strategy using tropes about a character type we do not like. It influences us to emphathise less with a woman. But also, applying this strategy does not mean Depp is an abuser. His legal defence team is using any and all tools to help their client.
Is Depp an abuser? A jury might conclude he is.
Either way, both Depp and Heard seem like they need alot of help. They are damaged individuals. Any breakup can get ugly. Horrible words and actions are said in the heat of the moment behind closed doors. Violence by men and women can easily happen.
Image: by Brad Lloyd
Happiness and Moving On
Depp's Instagram is about his music and truth. He feels his truth must come out. Music provides him with solace and helps ease his pain. The court case has made him clean up and he doesn't appear to be under the influence of his addictions.
Heard has had a baby and is beginning a new life. Depp needs to move on too. Perhaps this trial will help him to do that.
If I was on the jury, I would not want either of them to win. Both are guilty and both should not receive money from the other. When it comes to the law though, I suspect that Depp may by definition be an abuser so the defamation case may not succeed.
However, like the UK case, this is based on facts now in evidence. The truth is a defence.
Also, Heard's 2018 Washington Post article, which is the subject of this case, is carefully worded. She said I am
"a public figure representing domestic abuse"
Juries aren't predictable. They are driven by emotion, beliefs and bias. Whatever decision by law they should make might not matter if you have one juror who dissents.
Image: by Venti Views
Why does this case matter?
It's not just a divorce case. It's not just entertainment. This isn't a reality tv show.
Celebrities and public relation teams are watching and learning. We will see more court cases where the legal system is used to help someone's brand. It used to be we did not air our dirty linen. Our private lives remained private. This case opens the door even more widely to a culture where we overshare, we let the public scrutinise intimate details of our lives and it encourages the media to do so too, because that's what the public wants.
Real domestic violence victims will fear how they will be treated if they come forward. Any victim, woman or man, after seeing how Amber Heard has been treated, will pause.
Powerful men will feel empowered. The glamour of Hollywood has not gone. The story of David and Goliath remains a myth.
This case makes us ask what we are prepared to accept as physical acts of harm which means a person should be punished. How do we punish them? What evidence do we need to say we do not tolerate you any more? It was clear in the case of Harvey Weinstein. Johnny Depp is not on trial for domestic abuse. The US trial is about reputation and money.
Some men might feel they can speak more about the abuse their females partners inflict. Both genders might have greater insightful and more meaningful conversations about toxicity in partnerships.
We can all learn how to improve. Better relationships are important for our health and happiness. Much of our lives involve people, emotions and mistakes. Whether we can stay together, bring out the best in others, thrive, laugh, build a future we want and need, it also depends on those people we allow in. If we surround ourselves with what harms us - whether that's people, alcohol, drugs or other vices, then that is what will bring us down.
The Depp-Heard trial might help some people in toxic relationships wake up to their behaviour. Some might seek help. Others might end their addictions.
Then there are those that choose not to grow. They will use this to create more unhappiness and it will justify further unhealthy attitudes.
Image: by Felix Mittermeier
Public Opinion
Win
A verdict for Depp could green light Dinsey to put him back into the Pirates franchise. It is the perception that matters. Do I want Depp back in Pirates? Yes. Is he a talented actor? He can be. Does he need to deal with his drug and alcohol problem? Absolutely.
As a woman, I do feel concerned that men might see this as an example women can be mistreated, publicly humiliated and they can get away with it. Do I think Depp is worthy of respect and a hugely successful career? I'm not sure any more. Is this a standard we should apply to entertainers? Maybe. If he hit her a few times under certain circumstances, within a context that anyone might understand, by accident, or otherwise, is that ok? I don't know.
If he wins, the chances he will feel vindicated to return to the downward spiral of drugs and alcohol is highly likely.
He may see himself as a victim, rather than accepting his own mistakes and faults.
Lose
BUT if he loses this case, he will need to rehabilitate his reputation. He will need to clean himself up. Depp will need to fight to make a comeback. Hollywood and the media love a comeback story. We've seen it with so many famous men.
Is Depp doing this case to win? Or is he trying to gain more attention and make himself bankable again. Does he think he can win anyway regardless of the trial verdict?
The media coverage has been more pro Depp. He is a huge money making machine for the entertainment industry. He's an A Lister with worldwide box office takings estimated at $10 billion. He made $55 million from profit participation in Disney's 2010 Alice in Wonderland, which made the corporation $1.03 billion.
Perhaps Depp has stoked the pro-media coverage and thrown his own money at it too, afterall there are suggestions of bots and a coordinated social media strategy to damage Heard.
Amber Heard has not won herself more fans. She may be used to support feminist claims, but her lies have tarnished her. Do we judge women too harshly? Yes. Does she deserve to be unhappy? No. Should she be rewarded for lying? Probably not. But neither does Depp.
I still feel confused and have mixed feelings about this case. Maybe I resent both Heard and Depp for shattering the illusions and the judgments of my youth - that I thought this man was wonderful, worthy of having his posters, more than 10 but less than 40, I don't recall, on my bedroom walls.
What I do know is that both Johnny Depp and Amber Heard need to stop making each other miserable. It's the actions of one which results in the response of the other.
The key takeaway is that drugs and alcohol don't make you happier or healthier. They can destroy your life and everything you have built. Lies do not help you.
The Johnny Depp v Amber Heard defamation case in Fairfax is now with the jury, but public opinion will evolve over time and who knows where we will all end up - happier, healthier, we can only hope so.
We all have things we want to improve. There's a niggling thought that if I could just change x about myself, I would be happier.
Lately I hate my arms. There's articles like Summer Sexy Arm Workout. We feel better knowing we are taking steps to improve whatever is bothering us. However, we also need to learn to not focus on what we're not happy about. Beauty is more than arms, thighs, bellies and boobs. Our emotions about our body can be about us realising we need to be healthier.
I'd love to have sexier arms. It is possible, but it means dedication and perseverance. However, there are lots of other goals which I also want to focus on.
I know I need to cut down on sugar and snacking. Worrying about the cost of living crisis and Ukraine has meant I'm not as clear about what I want or what I'm doing.
I want to meditate more to clear my mind and provide greater clarity. Sexier arms might make me happier about my arms but it won't resolve the other things in my life that I'm not happy about.
Using goals as a way to organise my mind has been helpful in the past. There are habits I need to foster again. Maybe I will have sexier arms, but the quest to happiness isn't in arms alone.
We can focus on the past, present or future. Too much time in any one of these can make us full of regret, optimism or discontent.
Or if we spend our time thinking about what we have and what we're working towards, this can be a positive space that is more conducive to happiness.
We can accept the universe or a higher power works in mysterious ways by testing us & putting more obstacles in our path.
Ultimately, being in touch with our emotions & more of what we want than what we should do keeps us on track.
Nature is an important part of finding our way. When we spend time reflecting rather than ignoring our needs, then directing our energies in the most productive ways to these ends creates a wonderful way forward.
Every day I play 10 minutes of mindfulness, I try to find something to further my personal development, listen to music, have at least one nice meal, spend time with nature, rest when I am tired and I am reading much more. Throughout the week, I work towards my goals & feel like I am making progress. I am constantly learning new things which is great. I'm really interested in the growth mindset at the moment.
Some days are blah, but I try to remember that those feelings will pass. Each new day or after a nap can shift my mood.
The thing is that it's not what I have or don't, what I do or don't and what everyone else thinks or does. That's all just the cherry on top. In the end, it's a state of mind. It's what is in my head. There are things & people who live rent free in there & it is better to find ways to make my life simpler, away from these people & things.
It can be hard to remember all of this. Our minds are so cluttered with stuff to do, places to be & mindless chatter in our head. I am finding that doing less is much healthier for me.
Earlier this week I was exhausted & emotional. I took naps, cooked nice meals, spent time reading for fun & watched a little football. A few walks have also helped me recharge. It's funny how our week can be so variable.
Today I realised that I am really happy right now. I have songs playing in my head.
When the time is right, all that I have been doing will not be for nothing. Life has a funny way of working out.
We are the lucky ones. We live in a time when there are opportunities because of technology and globalisation.
We've made strides in medicine. There's laws about equality and a society that supports education for everyone.
A hundred years ago, it was a different world.
We find things to be unhappy about. We focus on the half empty glass. How can we change these habits?
We compare ourselves to others. We compare last year to this year. In fact, we can be miserable or just make the best out of a situation and be happy with what we have.
We can have goals and dreams but be happy knowing we are working towards them.
There are circumstances that unhappiness can be a sign that you want to make changes to your life. Unhappiness is an important emotion to help you navigate safely and healthily through life.
At the end of the day, happiness is a choice that we make.
Today I spent the afternoon gardenong. It was satisfying. I wish I had a big garden with lots of flowers. However I am happy that I am able to watch plants grow. Every small flower on my balcony is a small success.
One day I might have a big garden. Until then, I choose to focus on the positivity of now.
The passing of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of those that I have loved and lost. It has reinvigorated me to make the most out of my life and to pursue my dreams.
When I was in my teens and 20s, I would often say that I wanted to live without regrets. I've become more of a realist in that I know that I have many regrets and there will be more in the future. It's a part of life.
I never really knew my grandfathers. They passed away when I was a child. The concept of grief was foreign to me then.
It was only when a friend died in her late 20s that I understood grief and experienced the seismic collapse of my world. I received a call when I was at work. I left the office and cried uncontrollably. A colleague had to collect my belongings and pack up for me. At home I sobbed for weeks and numbed the emotions by watching tv. I'd burst into tears at random times like when I was doing the ironing or washing the dishes. In those quiet moments, the tears would creep up, out and down my cheeks. It was hard for me to process all that had happened - my guilt, pain, helplessness and appreciating my own mortality. Before this, as a young woman, I'd felt carefree in some ways and was naive to the tragedies of life.
In the last year, many people have lost loved ones. It's hard to find meaning in why their time has come and why we are left behind. We go to funerals and care for others to feel less alone and less helpless. We voice our views and protest for the vulnerable so they may be protected and not needlessly lose their lives.
My experiences of losing people has made me more compassionate and sensitive to any loss of life. I empathise and understand those that have joined this unfortunate club of grief. Until you have lost someone close to you, you never really understand what it means.
I visited a death cafe years ago and wept. I had never spoken about death to a group of strangers and exposed myself in this way. It was actually very cathartic because we don't often speak about the deceased and sometimes we need to.
Just as mental health was taboo, death and grief isn't talked about much. We cry privately, wondering how the sun still shines and the world keeps turning. We put on our happy face, carry on and do our best.
The reality is that we aren't all resilient or able to navigate loss. It's not on the syllabus in school nor on the list for parents like teaching kids how to ride a bike.
Death sucks.
Each time I lose someone, I struggle with the loss. It doesn't get easier. When the pandemic began, I wondered if I might die or lose any family or friends. I know friends of friends who have died. A writing teacher I met on zoom also passed away.
I can't help putting 110% into whatever I do. It just doesn't sit right with me when I try to do less. It is a slow uphill road working on my perfectionist tendency.
It's hard to accept that I am far from perfect and not judge myself for my failings. I realise I would be happier if I embrace and love myself for who I am today.
This week I've been doing more self development. It's tricky trying to find a balance between improving things, strengthening my self esteem and quieting that inner critic.
So in an effort to be less of a perfectionist, here is a photo which I would frame differently and probably not post because it's not exactly right for this post. I'm writing a short post and it could be crafted better.
There is perfection in imperfection and it is possible to find satisfaction in just doing rather than setting some kind of standard.
He made sacrifices for love, family and country. HRH was a public figure who was a husband, father, grandfather and great grandfather.
Grief is process. It is painful. Change is hard.
Families are complicated and when the family business is a large part of your life, well it's a whole unfathomable other story. I feel compassion for the struggles ahead for the very private needs of the family who will have no choice but to be publicly scrutinised through the difficult next few months.
We all have one life and we will all die one day. We go on autopilot, put off what we could do and think our dreams will eventually come true. However there is the risk we will regret our sacrifices and procrastinations.
Also, I wonder if we can excel in all aspects of life - health, career, family and finances - or dwhether we have to make sacrifices in one area or more to be happy in the others.
We are living in a period with the possibility of living to a ripe old age with decades after retirement. Perhaps even in this age when we are conscious of time, we think we will have more of it in the future which makes us complacent and affects our decisions today.
Death is a time for reflection, sadness, celebration of a life and appreciating those still with us.
The Duke of Edinburgh was nearly 100. What an extraordinary life! A nation and world was the better because of who he was and what he did. It is a historical moment.
If you are grieving, please know there are lots of resources out there or friends new and old who will be there. I have sadly had to grieve for loved ones and it is challenging. Time helped but there are no words that can be said to ease the earth shattering feelings of losing someone and never seeing them again.
I remember after losing a friend who died in her late 20s, one colleague asked me to go to lunch with some others on my first day back to work. It was such a comfort to be around people. Another colleague who had lost her father was there for me to talk to. Their small acts of kindness have stayed with me long after those friendships have ended. I will always remember them and be grateful.
We are living in a time when life is filled with more uncertainties with death knocking unexpectedly on our door. Be safe and well. 🤗
If you want a feel good Royal family post, read and check out the photoes from the great day I had on William and Kate's wedding day in London.
Today I started with a YouTube video on core beliefs then went down a small rabbit hole of TedX videos. Note to self, watch one video a day to prevent information overload.
I was reminded about mantras which can be a useful way to help change our core beliefs. On my walk this evening, I said a couple of mantras.
Another interesting point that I learnt from one of the videos was that we are motivated by a positive outcome rather than a negative fear based one. So for example I want to eat healthy because I will feel good about myself rather than I want to eat healthy because I will get fat.
The use of want instead of should helps to feel more empowered.
The other tip was to change small habits which can produce momentum for more changes. So for example I've been snacking on chocolate and crisps lately. I used to be really disciplined and chocolate was a treat maybe once every few months. I rarely ate crisps.
Yesterday I started the morning by adding some spirulina to my oats. When I have spirulina it makes me feel extra healthy and it sets the tone for my day. Today I had a homemade banana smoothie with some cocoa and a tablespoon of peanut butter. This evening I had a large bowl of pineapple. So that's two days of no naughty snacking!
I want to continue to be healthier. It feels like these mini morning studies are putting me back on track with what I really want. It's been great to change my routine in this way. It has meant reading and listening to less about the news. I plan to continue with these self-development sessions for the rest of the week.
Last night I stayed up until the wee hours watching Season 4 of Line of Duty. I was tired this morning and annoyed with myself.
Some mornings, I find it helpful to listen to a free calm app meditation to set the tone for my day. Today I listened to the self esteem one. I also listened to a Brene Brown youtube video and read an article which had some tips to improve self esteem.
I practice gratitude daily and realise I need to practise acknowledging the great things about myself too.
Lately I've been thinking I procrastinate too much. The truth is that I do put some things off. After spending some time reading, listening and reflecting on self esteem, I felt energised and motivated to set goals for my day and week. I wrote these down and had a productive day. It made me feel good about myself.
I was grumpy on my walk this evening which was likely because I didn't accomplish as much as I would have liked today. Then as I was washing the dishes this evening, I told myself that I had done a great job today. I thought about all the different wonderful skills and things that I do for myself and others. I can see my outlook on life shifting and it is exciting.
My intention is to try to watch and read a little more every day this week on self esteem.
So instead of Line of Duty tonight, I'm going to try to read more, which was on my list of goals for today. I should hopefully also sleep earlier and have a better night's rest.
May you be beautiful, healthy and happy in every way today.
It's sunny outside but I feel so sleepy. There are days I know doing something will be good for me, but I need some pushing and convincing.
The other day I saw this cat on a boat. When I stopped to take a photo, it wanted to come up to me. It was a lovely moment seeing this cat and I was glad that I had gone for a walk. Most days when I go out, there is a 'wow I'm glad I saw that and left my couch' incident.
The day before yesterday, it was ducks waddling on the pathway. Yesterday it was swans on the river.
So I'm giving myself 15 minutes to get in the mood to go out.
The sunshine and fresh air has helped me sleep much better. It just feels like such an effort to go out sometimes, much like cooking or taking a shower on some days.
Some days I do accept that I need a day of rest and other days I know that lazy me needs to pull my socks up.
It's been a great Easter weekend with chocolate, walks and a couple of virtual catch ups. Whether I do go for a walk or not, I am happy with all that has become of these last few days.
Remember when we use to buy magazines? It was fun to read a few articles and escape for a little while. Sometimes they were frivolous subjects like fashion and other times, we might seek more depth and knowledge.
These days my non-fiction reading diet tends to be the news. When I need a break from that, I like to check out content online from magazines I used to read.
Recently I came across some articles from Psychology Today. What I like about these articles, is that they help me to understand myself and the world. It's like mini-self help sessions.
I found this article on disappointment which pointed out how we can often globalise or personalise disappointment. It also noted how we might want to see these disappointments as opportunities to grow. Disappointment is a part of life and learning to better deal with it is important.
Articles about parenting are also great because it can be a helpful guide on how to be kinder and gentler with yourself. The thoughts in your head sometimes need a calm parent like response. One article on procrastination made me chuckle and think about how I could manage myself when I am having those I'll do it later moments. There was an article about reframing. Reframing is a useful tool that I really enjoy learning about. I find that it can make a difference on how I remember and feel about a trauma. It is a great way of finding more peace and acceptance so you can move on.
Then there was an article about single people which made me reflect on how I could be more comfortable in my own company.
Mental health is gaining more attention and understanding. This article provided a more positive view about depression which I hadn't ever thought about.
Relationships are a big part of our life. I recently learnt about attachment styles. The article by therapist D Lancer provided an insightful look at the topic by considering how we might change our atttachment style.
So why am I blogging about these articles? I found them useful, interesting and thought I might want to read them again in the future - yes I thought they were that good.
These subjects all form part of the puzzle of living a happier, healthier and more beautiful life.
So I didn't procrastinate and wrote this blog. I feel happier already!
Happy reading and may you find more health, happiness and beauty in your day.
Today I was thinking about what an ideal day would look like and realised it's not mission impossible to achieve.
It might start with listening to a meditation app for 10 minutes followed by a leisurely healthy breakfast with music playing in the background. Writing, working and even some housework might give me a sense of accomplishment. If I can squeeze in some reading it's a bonus. When the weather permits, a long walk helps me sort out my scattered thoughts. Now it is especially lovely because there are flowers and blossom popping up. The birds are singing. The swans, ducks and geese are gathering.
It's nearly warm enough to spend time on the balcony. I like cooking and chilling out in the evening which is finished off with an early night. I fall asleep listing all that I am grateful for.
Sometimes I might see a friend or chat to one of them on the phone. Or perhaps there's someone interesting to meet on social media. There's lots of zoom classes which are fun to do too.
It feels like so much time is spent thinking about what we would like to have, what we are missing or which we should have done but didn't that day.
Is it that Spring is upon us or that vaccines are helping us move forward from the last year? It's great to feel more hopeful and happy.
They call it tier 4 but we're essentially in Lockdown 3.0. Since my last post on Lockdown 2.0 in November when I did a detox and endured a vigorous exercise regime, I'm focusing on being healthy and happy.
On average I've walked 51km a week over the last 5 weeks. I'm feeling healthier and fitter.
Diet
Seeds and nuts with a fried egg on rye bread
Food is a central part of my day. It's high protein and low carb. I eat eggs, seeds, nuts and vegetables for breakfast. There were a few days of rye bread. Lunch includes meat or fish and vegetables. I've been making lots of broth which is a super boost for my skin. Dinner is a spinach smoothie. I drink lots of milk and no complex carbs, sugar, processed food or salt. On average I have 100g of protein a day, 130 - 170g of carbs and 70g - 100g of fat a day, totalling under 2000 calories.
Daily fruit plate
I've cut back on eating lots of fruit. Instead I'm having a vegetable intensive diet.
I keep a daily food diary in the fitbit app. It's helped me refine how much I eat. I aim for 70 to 100g of protein, or about 25% protein and less than 2,000 calories a day. Fat and carbohydrates vary between 30 to 40% of my diet.
Mindfulness
I listen to the calm app some days. I try to not see things as good or bad. They simply just are events that happen. It's hard to not react or respond, rather to just let things be.
Creativity and Nature
I'm singing, dancing, cooking, writing, taking photoes and listening to music. I've even self published a children's story which was inspired by a short video that I made.
Winter blooms
Swans, ducks, birds, squirrels, trees, flowers and occasional blue skies have all been lovely corners of my world.
I've been buying fresh flowers to brighten things up. Chrysanthemums and roses actually survive outside on my balcony for weeks. I guess they receive more sun and fresh air.
Flowers still grow on my balcony
These are the only flowers that have been thriving since September. My little balcony garden has brought me so much joy.
Christmas
London has embraced Christmas. It was funny walking down Old Bond St and New Bond St.
Cartier on Old Bond St
The designer stores reminded me of years ago a blog post I did on designer fashion in Paris. It feels like a lifetime ago when fashion was a huge part of my budget and I was obsessed with shoes.
D&G window
The styles are so different to my mood and the times. In this covid-world, there's more dressing down with trainers.
DIOR designer fashion
No more parties or bars for me. I don't see many people.
I'm addicted to leggings and my long woolly socks. I have a puffy jacket that I regularly throw in the washing machine.
Fendi lit up
It's still fun looking but I have no desire or budget for any of it any more. It's now like a curious exploration of a gallery.
Coronavirus in the UK
They say there's a new variant of the virus and 40 countries have banned travel to or from the UK. The UK and European strategy is at the opposite spectrum to New Zealand.
Victoria Park on the weekend
In the UK, instead of suppressing or eliminating coronavirus, there's been an acceptable level of infections and deaths, so long as the NHS is not overwhelmed. To give you a flavour of life in the UK:
The travel industry has been protected with little border control with a token, but not strictly enforced quarantine.
Lockdowns 2.0 in November & 3.0 in London since Saturday have been less severe, with takeaway food & alcohol more widely available now. Certain areas have been busy with lots of socialising and household mixing outdoors. Masks are more common but still not strictly enforced indoors, especially in shops.
For weeks, we saw images of packed Regent and Oxford St on the weekend. It looked like everyone had forgotten there was a virus circulating. Some non-essential shops were packed and people were buoyed with optimism the vaccine was here.
Celebrities and well known personalities broke the rules with parties in restaurants with dozens of guests.
Certain industries don't wear masks nor socially distance. They try a bit more compared to lockdown 1.0 but they seem to either not care or think they are immune to the virus.
Since the first lockdown, everyone has broken a rule or two here or there, generously interpreted the guidance and felt they are exercising their own common sense. Over the summer especially, I know mental health was used as an excuse to break the rules.
Since December, sporting events, gyms and theatres were open, with up to 1,000 spectators allowed in Tier 2 areas which included London until just over a week ago.
Testing has been somewhat unstrategic. Who knows how much bar, restaurants, shops and cab drivers are asymptomatically passing the virus on? There's no regular testing.
Schools, especially secondary schools, have had huge numbers of infections but the government says they will take legal action on a council which sought to close schools in their borough.
Primary schools remained open since reopening after lockdown 1.0 with the vehement belief children were less likely to contract the virus. Statistically this data was skewed since children were essentially shielded until June. They saw the new variant may mean children will be just as likely as adults to become infected. However, with schools open throughout the second half of the year, it is plausible we are also seeing a more representative set of data now.
It was heart breaking to read of the children who have died from coronavirus in the UK. While there have not been many cases, that has been little comfort to those who have lost them. These deaths were not widely reported and the focus on deaths, which averaged 500 a day in the last couple of months, have not featured in mainstream media other than daily token facts and numbers.
Universities reopened and became covid hotbeds in September.
The protect the economy camp lobbies against any restrictions. Anti mask sentiments continue. Protests against limiting freedoms persist.
Everyone thinks they are safe and covid free until they are not. Complacency set in and in December there was a push for the economy when either lockdown 2.0 should have been longer or the tiers tightened with tougher restrictions in the lead up to Christmas and with the onset of winter. It is now suggested a lockdown or toigh restrictions will now be necessary until the Spring.
Mayfair street art
Christmas relaxation was stubbornly pursued as British exceptionalism until the 11th hour when the rest of Europe was locking down in December with limited changes for Christmas. The Prime Minister indicated absolutely the British public would have Christmas and described a cancellation as inhumane.
Currently London and the South East are in Tier 4 which means no household mixing for Christmas, except 1+1 outdoors. When Tier 4 hit on Sunday midnight, it was announced at 4pm on Saturday. Train stations were packed as people rushed to exit the capital.
We are all punished in lockdowns even though the majority are model citizens for 98% of the time. It encourages everyone to simply take and do what they can when the rules are relaxed or have minor rule breaks when restrictions are in place. It's a boom / bust way of operating.
River Thames
How much is the new variant versus behavioural changes or the government relaxing too much in December is anyone's guess. Borders are shut but the variant is likely everywhere now, not just in the UK.
It is another example of a lack of coordinated global efforts. Each country protects their own. This is why it will take longer and be harder for any of us to succeed in this global crisis.
Inevitably, the UK will face more rules - perhaps masks worn outdoors too, curfews, outdoor activity restricted or a national lockdown with Christmas relaxation across all tiers cancelled. Possibly even a cap on how many households mix in any one week. There is a large suite of options the libertarians have avoided but may now be forced to impose on us.
The ability of countries to continue to trade, operate and prosper is a test of one's own government, but also those of our partners. Whether we thrive as a team or pursue our own agendas remains to be seen.
London Westminster Houses of Parliament
The pandemic has been consistently poorly managed. The economic and public health continue to be treated as binary issues. This is why we have failed rather than succeeded to date.
Public expectations are in the context of promises about Christmas, a limited 3 week lockdown in November, Tory MPs against further national lockdowns, worries about the economy & jobs and a government bound to an inadequate Tier system which saw most of the north of England closed for months. There is huge dismay now that any early warning signs were ignored. How much of this variant is about a government trying to shift the blame for a mess they have created because now countries are closing their borders to the UK because they continue with mixed messages and a poor strategy.
If the UK and Europe pursued a New Zealand style approach of minimising infections, it might mean we aren't in this cycle of mutating viruses running wild. It would mean strict hotel quarantines to avoid imported cases and a zero tolerance for rule breaking. However, there doesn't seem to be an appetite or enough courage. Rather, we pin our hopes on the vaccine solving all our problems. It might but that there are many who cannot take the vaccine, we don't know how long immunity lasts and the whole world will not be immunised overnight. It's a massive problem that is still far from over. Accordingly, the public health and economic crisis continues.
Wall art in East London
Tens of thousands in the UK died. It's a record we should be ashamed of. We aren't the worst globally but we're clearly not the best.
East London graffiti - Belly Mujinga died with Covid-19 on 5 April 2020
I limit watching or reading the news, but I am well educated and informed to ensure I stay safe. Similarly, I'm avoiding interacting on social media on this topic now. Most of my thoughts haven't changed since my first blog post on coronavirus at the beginning of the year when Italy locked down.
Wildbirds in East London
I don't feel anger or sadness any more. It is simply about being present, rather than thinking about the past and the way things used to be, or the future which continues to be uncertain. If I worry about it, that doesn't help. Perhaps all the animals and nature is escapism but it is what is working for me.
So 2021 is nearly here. For now, I've been lucky. My family and I are safe and well. I know more people who've had covid in the last few months. Fortunately none have died but some have long covid. Next Christmas will be better. This week I'm eating well but still mostly healthy. Weather permitting, I'm walking alot too.
Tower Bridge in London
Emotionally I'm in a better place this year than I was this time last year. It's been a funny and strange year. I guess there will be more funny and strange things to come.
Stay safe and well. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. C7.
Autumn sunshine makes me smile, but the evenings are chilly. The tide comes in & if I close my eyes it sounds like waves at a beach. I remember summer trips to Italy & that wonderful feeling of peace.
Fuschia on my balcony
My little balcony garden has some late bloomers. They keep my spirits up. A little flower brings such joy. I am grateful to this plant, the seed which grew, the stranger who nurtured it, the nursery that sold it, the delivery company that brought it, the website that was made to sell it, the credit card that could be used to buy it & the life I have that I can enjoy it.
I move pots around as not all spots are equal. The best place is the front corner which receives the most sun & rain.
Llamas on the weekend
The weekend highlight is usually a long walk. I see llamas. It's such a treat. Anything out of the ordinary amazes me. These little escapes are like mini holidays. I forget for a while about 2020 & the world we live in.
Am I trying to find the inner child in me & searching for that time when everything seemed simpler?
Blue skies in Autumn
When the skies are blue, there's a spring in my step. I know these moments are fleeting. If we could hold on to the blue skies somehow. I sing in my head when the grey clouds are rolling in - let the sun shine, let the sun shine. It's silly to think that singing this might hold off the rain for my walk. The rain comes & I think, well we need to accept the good & the bad.
Animals socially distancing
Everyone is respectful now & socially distances. I used to feel like I was maneuvering in traffic. I'd searched out alternative quiet routes & came out at less busy times. I don't worry so much about all of this any more.
On twitter there's lots of covid deniers. I'm open to engaging with them but then some become nasty with insults rather than a discussion on views. I wonder if there is a mass rollout of the vaccine, what will happen to them?
I've bought a new coat. It cheers me up. I don't know what I would have done without online shopping. When I put on something new, it gives me a buzz.
Vegetables for dinner
This week I've been detoxing & exercising. I feel more energised. I eat lots of to manage feelings of hunger. At night I might have two bananas. The calorie counter tells me I'm consuming about 800 calories a day with my no oil, salt, sugar, bad carbs, dairy or meat diet. I've become accustomed to it. I can manage it for a few days.
Kickboxing, weights, mini trampoline, HIIT, running on the spot & yoga takes up lots of time but it's better than sitting around eating all day. I used to do two workouts a day - these intense periods channel my frustrations & relieve my stress. I'm too tired to think too much about anything.
Almond & hazelnut croissant
The last few months, I've had too many cheat days, pasta & sweets. I'm back to being disciplined - the me that was happier. My clothes fit much better now. I'm glad I'm revisiting these old habits.
For a few nights I had trouble sleeping. So I've tweaked my night time routine - bananas, cherries & a magnesium supplement. It's working! When I sleep through the night, my days are more productive & fulfilling.
Cleaning & laundry fill my weeks too. Messages from old friends and new are a welcome distraction. I'm doing zoom singing and zoom writing classes. Technology has meant connecting with creative people around the world & this pandemic has developed it further & faster. Throughout lockdown 1.0, I was perpetually blocked & my creativity was stifled. It's a relief to be writing again.
When I was doing charity work with children, they said it's important to give them your undivided attention. We so often don't give or receive that. I try to do that now for people of all ages - to hear what they have to say rather than to hear what I have to say. Writing is giving myself my undivided attention - to hear what I have to say, uninterrupted, not being judged & being kind to myself.
Roses in Isle of Dogs Memorial Garden
They say we will have a vaccine soon. I know this time next year will be different. We just don't know how yet. Things will never be the same as before. Nor will they be the same as now.
