Social Media Abuse

Social media abuse is about terrorism, bullying, misogyny and a toxic culture of division. 

Resentment has festered as reality television and social media has highlighted for many the disparity between rich and poor. 

We are also becoming a society that is intolerant of different opinions and less open to balanced debate or trying to understand different points of view. 

What is sad is not only the deaths and misery inflicted, but that the simplistic solutions proposed will not change the fact this exists. We are faced with it both online and in the real world. 

It happens on the street, schools and football field. Social media isn't the problem. It is our inability to deal with the root causes.

Will simplistic notions of silencing the nastiness make a difference? It creates the illusion it's not there where we are on social media. Will they simply communicate their anger in another way? We are simply burying our head in the sand and less aware that the threat is out there. Is that not more dangerous? 

What we see on social media is a reflection of our world. If we don't like the direction it's going, we need to address people's feelings of helplessness, financial worries, ideological difference and unhappiness. 

Happy empowered wealthy morally concerned individuals rarely go around trying to kill or physically hurt others. Perhaps it's just too hard to make a society we are proud of. Perhaps it's easier to sweep problems under the rug and pretend it's not there. 

The tragic death of UK MP David Amass has sparked a debate about social media. 

I write anonymously. I was not born John Smith. I choose to not have my name plastered all over the internet. Not everyone wants fame or to be nasty. I just want to be heard. My voice would be silenced. Whilst I have become less active on social media in recent months, I do think it is important that it allows different people to communicate, raise awareness and express themselves. I choose to ignore or avoid certain types, but that is my choice. 

Without anonymity, would we have Banksy and Daft Punk? Anonymity allows for creativity and exploration. 

Public figures cannot always avoid social media abuse and we do need to find ways to address it. They can block or report people if they choose to. What we need is to teach everyone, young and old, what is bad behaviour. Perhaps what we need is more training on what to do with bad behaviour on the internet.

Social media has many positive elements for change. It allows us to connect and learn in ways we never imagined. It fosters creativity and who knows what else we will do as a species with this technology. There are also many lovely and kind people on social media. 

What would be great is to see:

- Opportunities created for everyone, not just specific highly visible challenged groups.

- More forums and accessibility for healthy discussion for people to raise their concerns and for practical steps to be taken to address issues. 

- A detailed and coherent look at how we can truly be safer. 

The problems we face require governments, corporations including social media companies, charities and individuals to find an intelligent way forward. 

• Guardian - social media abuse
  
• Daft Punk - anonymous music
  
• Banksy - anonymous art
  
• Banksy - Instagram
  

This is my opinion on a troubling issue. Whether my views will no longer be allowed to be written, well that might be a slippery path to further erosion of our liberties. Social media abuse must be addressed, but the how is still elusive. 

Calorie cycling and metabolic confusion

Yesterday was a low calorie and low fat day, though I discovered my 3.5 day detox was even less pure than I thought. On the peanuts packet I realised there is sunflower oil. It was like the time I found flour on the shredded cheese ingredients list. 

The reason I was looking at nuts yesterday was that I'd had a harder workout. I'd increased my weights and added a few hiit exercises. Afterwards, I had a carrot smoothie and a grapefruit, but I figured I should add more protein to my post-workout meal, so I had a few handfuls of nuts. 

I went for a walk but my energy levels weren't there and I also needed a toilet break as the smoothie was making its way through my body. 

So it was a shorter walk than usual. It was drizzling on and off. It was grey and my heart wasn't in it. 

Back at home, I had an early dinner of tom yum vegetable soup, which was extra delicious as the flavours had become richer overnight. 

I'm pleased with the diet I managed yesterday, but I started to think about calorie cycling. I was rrading about alternate days of low calories, the diet equivalent of a hiit workout. 

The idea of metabolic confusion complements the flexitarian diet since meat days will be higher calories. 

What was interesting was 3 to 7 days of high calories after days or weeks of low calories. It is cheat days but more than one day. The trick is staying disciplined and going back to low calorie days. Could this be how I become guilt free on the days I deviate from my normal? 

What I've also tried to incorporate is intermittent fasting. I have breakfast at least 12 hours since my last snack. 

Metabolism is an important part of our health and any weight loss management program, which is why I workout to boost the low calories intake and to increase my metabolism which might be falling as my calories going in goes down. 

It seems that with calorie cycling and fasting, it might make metabolism management even more effective. Could this be one of the secrets to weight management and living a healthier life?

I feel more productive during this flexitarian diet plus heavy workout regime. It is taking up more time, but I am sleeping much better than before I began. 

The shift to more meat free meals is a trend in the UK. I'm not sure how much this has influenced me, but certainly doing detoxes over the years and trying to do more meat free meals has meant it is a direction I've been taking to try to improve my overall health. 

They say vegetarians live longer. I figure a few more meat free meals is great for my grocery bills which seem to be getting higher and also with energy bills / inflation rising, if I can save a bit extra, lose weight and feel healthier, then why not? 

Here are some articles that I found useful:

• Calorie cycling and metabolic confusion
• Intermittent fasting
• UK eats less meat

What's the Best Diet for You?

Slow cooked beef brisket

Did you know U.S. News & World Report does an annual Best Diet Rankings?

For those of you looking to try a new diet, it provides a list of different ways people have come up with to restrict their diet.

For two weeks, I've been on a sort of diet. It started off for three and a half days with what I call a detox:

• No wheat 
• No meat, fish or eggs
• No salt
• No oil
• No sugar
• No caffeine or alcohol (I don't normally anyway)
• No processed food
• Almost no dairy ( I had yoghurt for two mornings)

It was essentially just fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds. 

I've had a few meat, fish or egg meals since then, but nowhere near the levels I'm used to. I've also had only a minimal amount of wheat, salt, oil, sugar and dairy throughout this period. Most meals I still don't have any of them. I've had zero processed food. 

The closest diet I can find to what I'm doing is the Flexitarian diet ie. a part-time vegetarian.  The flexitarian was tied for 2nd place in the U.S. News & World Report 2021 Best Diet Rankings. 

It's been challenging but not difficult to do expert level flexitarian. I've flirted with meat free meals and days over the last year. I've also done detoxes once or twice annually for a few years. 

The flexitarian two weeks has been a huge reduction in calories and I feel healthier. I might need to buy some new clothes. All my trousers are way too loose - yay!

Tofu and cauliflower

I've tried to balance out meals. Some are meat free, some are grain free, some are oil free or a combination of these. Some meals I'm trying for the trifecta, which is easiest for breakfast. I base my decision on what I have in the fridge, use by dates and my exercise needs.

For example, I had salmon and beef brisket. Two meals in the last 7 days were salmon and another two meals were beef. For these meals, I didn't have any grains. I also tried to mix it up, meat free lunch one day then meat free dinner the next. Each day I was having two meals meat free. 

Just after my three and a half day detox, I had two meals of sardines and four meals of turkey breast.  

I've started doing Hiit which is a harder workout so the beef recently has been great. By the way, did you know different cuts of beef vary significantly in terms of fat content? Brisket is fairly low compared to the highest at about 8g per 100g. I also tried to avoid eating the fat and skimmed it away after each cooling session from the slow cooker. 

The brisket is the cow's chest. I am curious about food more when I'm on a diet. 

Incidentally, a prime rib and beef rib has 33.7 and 28.1 grams per 100gs respecticely. I'm definitely being more careful in my beef choices in the future. 

My fridge is nearly empty so I have to be  more creative before my next online grocery delivery. 

This is the healthy eating I'm thinking of:

Today:

• Kiwi banana yoghurt oats seeds & nuts
• Carrot smoothie and a grapefruit for lunch
• Nuts, yoghurt and banana as snacks
• Tom yum vegetarian soup for dinner

Tomorrow:

• Carrot smoothie
• Baked potato with homemade hummus (I'm making hummus today)
• Spelt and vegetables with tom yum soup 
• Nuts, citrus and banana to snack on

Saturday

• Mango with nuts, seeds and chia 
• Roasted potatoes w boiled egg 
• Carrot soup   

The next few days are more calorie restricted since I've just had beef and salmon for a few days. 

I am thinking about whether to add a run into my workout, which would mean a pasta meal to fuel me. I'm not sure about carrot smoothie and grapefruit for lunch today. I might add a potato salad into the mix. I'm just going to see what happens. 

It's felt very healthy with a flexitarian type diet. I am hungry more, but I'm not starving. A bit of hunger is good for us every once in awhile. 

I'll try to do a blog post on how the next few days of dieting goes. 

Here are some sites you might be interested in:

• 2021 Diet Rankings
  
• Flexitarian diet
  

You might also be interested in some of my earlier blogs:

• Salads and detoxing
  
• Hiit workout

Happy dieting! Make sure you seek medical advice if you're not sure as diets are not suitable for everyone. 

Healthy snacking at night

A healthy lunch but you're still hungry

When you have salad and vegetables for lunch and / or dinner, you get hungry at night. You're trying to limit calories and be healthy, so what do you do?

You think about treating yourself, but you have been working out more and eating healthy. You really want to be good and not take away from all your hard work. 

I've been having an orange for dessert. I peel it with a knife. It takes longer, but I find that I'm giving my body time to digest my dinner and build up an appetite for dessert. 

If you're still craving more food, then a banana is a good go to. It is more filling and satisfying. 

So what if the banana is not enough? I have a few handfuls of nuts. It gives me that snacking motion of bite sized hand to packet to mouth eating. It is the treat. 

After the orange, banana and almonds, you hope you're satisfied, but you still feel like eating. Next comes yoghurt. It's full fat, flavoured and might have a bit of sugar, but it's creamy and you convince yourself it's like having ice-cream. 

After waiting 30 - 60 minutes between each snack, it's bedtime and I'm not feeling hungry any more. 

If I had wanted to eat something else, I might have tried a clementine or two. If I was desperate, I might have a second yoghurt. Then some melon. 

Worst case scenario, I'd resort to dry crackers or rice cakes. 

The key for me is variety. Since I've been eating healthier and exercising more, I've been going to bed earlier. 

You can read about this in some of my other posts:

• Salads and detoxing
  
• Hiit workout

Late night snacking tends to encourage very bad choices like chocolate, biscuits and crisps. If you have none of these at home, thst helps. Otherwise, you need will-power, healthy options and good habits.

The great thing is you wake up the next day knowing you achieved and maintained what you wanted. This is important for your self esteem, health and happiness. 

Be strong, stick to your goals and find your way to a balanced, healthy happy life.  

Brown fat and getting results

The last few weeks I've been focusing on my health, in particular eating healthy and exercising more.

When you are looking to improve your  health and well being, you want to see results. It might not be reflected in the scales, but we can measure it in other ways - Measure weight loss without a scale

I've become interested in learning about brown fat. Brown fat takes us less space compared to white fat. It keeps you warm when it's cold whilst white fat stores energy. 

Babies have lots of brown fat. Some studies suggest women might have more brown fat than men and those who workout more will have even more. As adults, we don't have much brown fat. 

The takeaway is working out more and eating smaller meals but more frequently and letting your body be exposed to the cold can affect the level of brown fat. 

There seems to be a link between brown fat and metabolism. 

It has also been suggested that 'exposing people to cold temperatures while they sleep causes them to accumulate more brown fat — fat tissue whose main function is heat production — and burn more calories.' 

So don't rug up too much when you sleep and exercise outdoorseven if it's cold and seems uninviting. 

After two weeks, I'm feeling leaner and stronger. One really strange aspect is my dreams are so vivid. I'm very proud that healthy decisions are coming much more easily. The thing is when you've put in so much effort, you don't want it to be wasted. 

This week I'm intensifying my workouts. I call them doubles - where I do two workouts either back-to-back or morning / afternoon. It is time consuming and tiring, but it pushes my body to do that little bit extra. 

In the past, I've seen positive results from doing this after a few weeks of a regular workout. The key is to avoid injury, rest days and fuel the body with more but not too much healthy wheat and protein. 

Also eggs and vegetables for breakfast for a few days is a great way to add more healthy calories with less fat into the daily diet. Plus more bananas and nuts can make a difference. These might help with the brown fat / white fat too. In the youtube video at the top of this post, it also mentions turmeric, chilli and fish. These are all great for your metabolism and I have these in my diet regularly too, but a bit extra this week might not hurt.  

The idea is to get a healthy baseline which you can maintain. 

What makes a difference is knowing that I have achieved alot with my health and physique in the past. Hard work and discipline were required and the pay off was outstanding. 

Early on, it might seem like it's not working, but you need to have faith that this is good for you. As outlined in this article about weight gain instead of loss when working out, your body goes through initial changes. In my case, my weight has stayed the same even though I know that it is definitely improving for the better. I can see and feel it. It will take a few weeks or months for it to be reflected on the scales. 

Your body adapts to less calories or more exercise which can be frustrating if you think you're not seeing results. 

Like with many things in life, patience, perseverance and good habits may be helpful. 

Here are some articles which might be of interest:

• Brown fat - facts
• How to get brown fat
• Brown fat diet
• Metabolism - vox
• Fitness slump so intensify your workout
  
• Understand your metabolism
  
• Fasted cardio
  
• Adrenal Fatigue 
  

These are some of the healthy things I've been doing:

• Healthy snacking at night
• Salads and detoxing
  
• Hiit workout
  
• Why I don't crave pizza and burgers?
  

Salad, salad and salad - detox time again

September has been get healthy month for me. 

I did a 3 day detox - no meat, eggs, fish, sugar, dairy, wheat, caffeine, alcohol, salt and oil. Although, I did have yoghurt on two mornings - I hate to throw things away! Usually my detoxes are strict, but this time I decided it was ok to have a bit of yoghurt. My primary goal was to have a low fat diet. 

I find a detox once or twice a year jumpstarts healthy habits and really helps me feel better about myself. 

It might also help with the adrenal glands - Adrenal diet

Food becomes very boring on a detox. This time round I ate lots of nuts, potatoes and bananas. Since I was not eating wheat, I ate both regular and sweet potatoes which are a good carb and protein hit. They kept meals reasonably satisfying and filling. I ate a lot of salad and smoothies in the morning.

Tips:

1. Spinach and celery smoothies are low fat and healthy. I add grapes and apple for sweetness. Ginger and lemon give it a kick. Switch to carrot smoothies when you get bored. Note - lemon is a good addition to the morning routine. 
2. For breakfast too, I'd have grapefruit some morning, or else seeds with nuts & fruit. 
3. Nuts are also great and filling. At night I'd snack on almonds. Go unsalted. 
4. I did a big grocery shop before I started to make sure I was prepared.
5. Buy organic if budget and convenience permits. 
6. Fruit make salads a bit more interesting. Figs, pear, mango and papaya are great. Red onions give it flavour. 
7. Samphire, nuts or garlic is great if you're craving salt. 
8. Exfoliate to aid any toxin removal.
9. Be prepared for tiredness, headaches and going to the toilet alot (high fibre and less water retention). Eating took longer. A plate of vegetables is slow to get through. I also slept more and better! 
10. Bananas or nuts were great when I was feeling weak. 
11. Go easy when you come off the detox. Have a bit of fish to start or wheat.
12. Drink lots of water. Herbal teas are great when you want some variation. 

My 3 day detox evolved to a 7 day no wheat or sugar diet. I'm balancing my days with a boring almost detox 2 meals plus a semi healthy one (by semi I mean add wheat, meat / fish). One meal I try to go meat free. 

Lots of exercise also complements detoxes.

The results:

• My waist seems trimmer and I feel more toned. I'm sleeping so much better after months of really poor sleep. 
• I'm doing much more exercise, conscious healthy eating and I'm adopting better habits.
• Portion sizes have shrunk. I'm use to five to six meals a day instead - eg. Watermelon, banana or nuts might be a snack / small meal.

Note that a detox is not suitable for everyone and a health practitioner should be consulted if you have any medical conditions before undergoing one. 

Also any diet may not be sustainable and could result in a nutrient deficient intake, so care should be taken. 

You may also find these posts useful:

• Healthy snacking at night
• Hiit workout
• Eat more vegetables
  
• Detox - what's it all about?
  
• Boost your detox
  

With winter coming, you might find it helpful to read this: When you feel a cold coming

Why do a Hiit Workout?

To boost metabolism, Hiit can be an intense, time efficient way to workout. Hiit is high intensity interval training. 

It involves breaks but then you go hard. 

It might include:

• Butt kicks 
• Commandos 
• Fast feet 
• Mountain climbers 
• Knee highs 
• Runners lunge 
• Speed skaters 
• In out squats 
• Air squats
• Bicycle situps
• Walkout with pushup 
• Pushups with shoulder taps 
• Kettlebell swing 
• Superman lateral raises 
• Russian twists 
• Plank jacks 
• Wall sits
• Pushups  
• Plank with shoulder taps
• Burpees

Stretch before and after. Drink lots of water. I started off with 30 seconds on and 30 seconds off, working through the 19 exercises in the order that I've listed. I ended up breaking longer after the first five and also at the fifteenth workout mark. The total time from laying out the yoga mat to the final stretch was about 30 minutes. 

Since I workout at home without trainers, I wore cushioned sports socks. The jumping and running can be tough on my feet.  

I first tried hiit at a Virgin Active gym in London years ago. I thought I was fit, but this was a whole other level. At home workouts mean I can do it at the right pace for me, but I need to be disciplined and push myself. 

I've included a youtube video of a workout by a Virgin active instructor at the top of this blog to give you an idea of what it's like. 

A wall clock with the ticking seconds is super handy but you can use the stopwatch on your phone or a watch. 

Hiit is great if you want a new challenge, to try something new, burn fat and love a really good sweaty workout. 

My staple workouts are weights, body balance and kickboxing. So a hiit workout is something to add into the mix every now and then because it can be brutal and exacerbate existing injuries. Be careful, form is important and if you're unsure then consult an expert or try it under supervision. 

For more on hiit workouts, you might find these articles useful:

• Womens Health Mag - hiit workouts at home (scroll to the end for the list of exercises)
• Shape - hiit workout exercises 

England v Italy: Covid Pandemic Euro 2020 Football

England team sing Sweet Caroline after Dennark win

The England team had a tumultuous journey. Tonight they play Italy at Wembley against a backdrop of history & a pandemic. 

No matter what happens tonight, there is pride in the fact that hard work & perseverance has produced success. It provides hope. 

The UK has one of the worst death tolls in the world with millions infected with long-covid. The football has been a welcome distraction from the misery inflicted on businesses & lives. 

The outlook for tonight's match is positive.

In contrast, the outlook for the country is bleak with 50,000 new infections a day to be reached soon while laws keeping us safe against the virus will be abolished. Recent data indicates daily new infections in excess of 35,000. Hospitals are starting to struggle. 

See - NHS hospitals forced to cancel operations again by unfolding third wave

Gareth Southgate and his team have had a long term strategy & outlook. They have kept their eye on the prize. 

The UK government in contrast have continued with a short-term mindset - arguing we must return to pre-pandemic normal this summer as next year is too late. This includes no more social distancing or compulsory masks & in some instances an end to quarantining. 

The Economy

Economically this spells disaster. Growth requires a healthy workforce & people spending money. The more people infected presents a cost we pay to keep the healthcare system going, sick leave by employers & inevitably longer lockdowns because it becomes our only option. This sort of disruption discourages investment. Businesses like certainty. 

If I had millions to spend, would I put it into a country that continues a reckless course of action?

The Stats 

Certainly vaccines have afforded the UK some advantages. However, full vaccinations offers 90% protection against serious illness and 70% protection against covid-19. One in ten people could become hospitalised or die. Three in ten can still get sick, pass it on to others and end up with long covid. 

30 million are fully vaccinated. This equates to 1 million and 3 million respectively of the vaccinated population. 

It is still unclear how long antibodies take to develop to offer this 90% protection and how long it will last. 

30 million remain 30% or less protected against the delta variant. This variant is 99% of the cases in the UK. 

The Solution

The keys to unlocking this horror story & ending it is in:

1. Science & medicine - a cure or solution will be found. There is too much at stake & too many people are desperate to return to the business of making money. 

We will develop more understanding of antibodies, relying more on quantitative antibody levels & testing to ensure we can operate safely, consistently & with more certainty. 

We will develop more detection & treatment for mild & serious covid illness, including long-covid. Break-throughs continue - Long Covid: Early findings bring hope for diagnostic tests

The gamble of relying only on vaccines without any of the safeguards of legal requirements for masks, social distancing, testing and quarantining equates to taking off all of your defence and having only forwards. We will lose. It will be a long winter of no more football, pubs or freedoms again. 

In the meantime, caution is needed. We want businesses to flourish. Support them to better adapt to this new pandemic world. Maintain safeguards where possible. More testing for covid & antibodies is needed. Prevent variants from developing by keeping infection levels low - variants are like being one man sent of with a red card and 10 men are left on the field. 

Sadly we learn the hard lessons after repeated failure. Reality sucks. We are dealing with a virus that we have learnt alot about but there is still some distance to go. We all want this horrible situation to be resolved, but pretending we can return to a pre-pandemic prematurely will only add to our problems & reverse the gains we achieved. 

Southgate got it right. Build a strong & competent team. Work together. It's about reaching the final and winning. Then it's about the World Cup. Mistakes might be made along the way. Some mistakes might be repeated, but it's about being the best that we can be. 

See the pre-celebrations

For more, read Inspirational England help heal national sporting psyche before historic final

You may also be interested in Gareth Southgates open letter which he wrote at the beginning of the tournament - Dear England,

Someone on twitter suggested Southgate for PM. He has instilled more faith and confidence in our country with his decisions and actions, far more than many others who are leading us to disaster on other fronts. 

Enjoy tonight's match & stay safe. 

Go England! 

Here are some other posts you might find interesting:

1. The Italian crisis

2. Lockdown 2.0 - diary of a Londoner

3. Lockdown 3.0 - diary of a Londoner

4. Simple slow cooked osso bucco

5. Why I don't crave pizza and burgers?

6. Eating holidays - Turin and Genoa

What is the secret to happiness?

We can focus on the past, present or future. Too much time in any one of these can make us full of regret, optimism or discontent. 

Or if we spend our time thinking about what we have and what we're working towards, this can be a positive space that is more conducive to happiness. 

We can accept the universe or a higher power works in mysterious ways by testing us & putting more obstacles in our path. 

Ultimately, being in touch with our emotions & more of what we want than what we should do keeps us on track. 

Nature is an important part of finding our way. When we spend time reflecting rather than ignoring our needs, then directing our energies in the most productive ways to these ends creates a wonderful way forward. 

Every day I play 10 minutes of mindfulness, I try to find something to further my personal development, listen to music, have at least one nice meal, spend time with nature, rest when I am tired and I am reading much more. Throughout the week, I work towards my goals & feel like I am making progress. I am constantly learning new things which is great. I'm really interested in the growth mindset at the moment. 

Some days are blah, but I try to remember that those feelings will pass. Each new day or after a nap can shift my mood. 

The thing is that it's not what I have or don't, what I do or don't and what everyone else thinks or does. That's all just the cherry on top. In the end, it's a state of mind. It's what is in my head. There are things & people who live rent free in there & it is better to find ways to make my life simpler, away from these people & things. 

It can be hard to remember all of this. Our minds are so cluttered with stuff to do, places to be & mindless chatter in our head. I am finding that doing less is much healthier for me. 

Earlier this week I was exhausted & emotional. I took naps, cooked nice meals, spent time reading for fun & watched a little football. A few walks have also helped me recharge. It's funny how our week can be so variable. 

Today I realised that I am really happy right now. I have songs playing in my head. 

When the time is right, all that I have been doing will not be for nothing. Life has a funny way of working out. 

The plague of self-doubt and how to manage it

Lately I've been feeling alot of self doubt. It's been a week of change, learning new things and facing some of my fears. When your inadequacies loom large, then your confidence wavers. 

I've had to take a break, step away from everything and recharge. Books, a movie and enjoying the spring antics of the animals has helped. Sleep has been a great healer. 

It's been important to remind myself of my accomplishments in my life and all that I have achieved throughout this period of self doubt. 

I had considered writing up a list of all the great things about myself. It seemed like it might be something that might be useful against the monster in my head. I didn't end up doing that, but I have done it before when I was feeling very low. 

People talk about courage and bravery with what I am doing. I am just muddling through and hoping for the best. At the same time, I now see that the skills and experience I've accumulated over the years have meant I am better equipped to handle it all. 

It's a funny thing to be under the cloud of self-doubt but then when the sun starts to shine down again, you settle back into the comfortableness of knowing who you are. 

Be kind to yourself. That is what we need to remember. The voice of self doubt is not the compassionate friend you need to be to yourself. Those thoughts aren't the sort of thing you would say to a friend or loved one. It's important to remember that when you the self-doubting becomes loud.  

Self doubt is challenging and can fuel anxieties, but it is manageable and there are lots of people, tools & tricks out there to help you. 

Even after you feel like you are managing to deal with the self doubt, you might wobble. A success mindset is another important tool which focuses on optimism and a long term perspective. 

Other articles you might find interesting on self-doubt and a success mindset are:

• How To Beat Self-Doubt And Stop Selling Yourself Short
  
• When Self-doubt Consumes You – Identify and Stop It
  
• 13 Powerful Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt 
  
• How Self-Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)
• Why do I always doubt myself in nearly every way?
  
• 7 Mindsets of Highly Successful (And Happy) People
  

Line of Duty Season 6 Finale reflects how I'm traumatised by 2020

 "When did we stop caring about honesty and integrity?"

- Line of Duty Season 6 

Sometimes I feel I'm so traumatised by 2020 - the deaths, government corruption and suffering that I can't face the news. There is no end in sight yet. There is no real solution or heroes. That is what Jed Mecurio's record breaking tv series Line of Duty Season 6 represents. 

I came to the Line of Duty party late. It's been running for 10 years. I've watched all six seasons on BBC iplayer in the last few months, mostly watching one season within one or two days - a rare accomplishment for anything to hold my attention in this way. 

It is a show about power, the real life loneliness in this world and our imperfections, dramatised in a fictional police anti corruption high speed chase versus corporate document evidentiary lense. 

This is reality - one minute we're high and the next we are inundated with the tedium but necessary world of offices, bureaucrcacy, regulations and incompetence. 

Season 6 of Line of Duty centred on the death of a journalist, the coverup and the possible demise of Anti-Corruption Unit 12. Now have a think about the media and journalists in the last 12 months. Also think about the coverups and demise of so many things we are living with. 

I immerse myself in nature, beautiful images and frivolity to balance all the ugliness of this world. 

It's the only way I can resume as a creative person, to write and continue when at times I cannot understand what has happened, why it is happening and not feel like everything is disintegrating into a bleak dystopia. 

To say I'm traumatised by 2020 seems a bit melodramatic. Yet the thing is, I was, am and everyone was and is too. 

Line of Duty provided an escape and keeps the cracks from growing too wide. It makes you want to believe there are honest people fighting for what is right despite all that is thrown at them. 

It also reminds me that it is the journey that matters, not a single monent, or season end. 2020 is just one episode of my life. 2021 is a new season of challenges and stories. 

I want to focus on the positives that have developed. I want to see a brighter future. I want the glass is half full. Whoever's job it is to fix our broken democracy must stop being incompetent and get on with it. 

Was Line of Duty's season 6 finale a success? 

A writer and artist is brave to step away from crowd pleasing and formulas. To stay true to a story, characters and the fictional world is golden. To make a statement with greater deeper messages and provoke us to think is genius. 

The final hour might not deliver the neat tidy bow, nor the explosive dramatic action, but it does reveal more and still keeps the audience hanging. People are talking about the show and will watch a season 7. If that's not success, then what is? 

Skincare - finding a new beauty routine

I've been trying new beauty products. It's such a relief there are more paraben and chemical free products available. 

Over time, your skin needs change. We have to adapt and see what works. 

The mix of supplements and vitamins also is an important part of my skin care routine. I've scaled down the cocktail of pills. 

I was using essential oils like immortelle and frankincense with base oils like rosehip oil, grapeseed oil and almond oil. I love them but feel that it is time to step it up.  I've been a fan of Neal's Yard, Sukin and Antipodes. There's a burt's bees exfoliant I use in the shower on an ad hoc basis. I would use almond oil for a mini face massage and do a homemade mask made from yoghurt, honey, ginger, turmeric and honey. 

I've been reading about latest trends and looking at the ingredients in high end products. In the past I used some very expensive brands. Now, I realise that there are affordable options. Q+A and Oleus have a good range. 

I've gradually introduced different products and treatments. 

I started with a collagen face cream as a night cream. I also switched to apricot oil to remove my makeup. 

After a couple of months, I've focused on serums and blemish problems. During the day I use a Vitamin C serum. At night I use a Superfood serum and a blemish repair paste which has some salicylic acid. I also use a charcoal cleanser a few times a week. 

I've invested in a LED light treatment mask. It's a strange experience lying there with this mask on. 

The next phase is trying a hyaluronic acid serum, a bakuchiol serum which is an alternative to retinol, an AHA exfoliating gel and a peptide eye gel. After that, I'll be looking at mask peels. 

It is a bit of trial and error. I think I'm seeing results which is exciting. In the meantime, it's fun trying new things. Also, I find that spending time looking after my skin makes me feel happy and good about myself. 

For years my focus was based more on what I was eating and drinking. Now it's adding in a few routines which might support being beautiful both on the inside and outside. At times it feels indulgent and vain, but the reality is that little comes naturally. I've always had to work hard to achieve my goals. My beauty is just another area of my life that needs attention. 

London Fashion - Designer Window Shopping

Last week I took a stroll down London's Old Bond St. I used to buy magazines to see what was new. It's actually quite interesting to wander by the different store front windows. You see which designers really do stand out and it's much easier to compare them. It's a bit like a fashion catwalk in reverse where you're doing the walking while the models are still and watching you. 

Spring has arrived so the big winter coat is almost ready to be packed away.  I've even started buying shorts ahead of summer. Last year it was almost impossible to find any that I liked as they were all sold out. 

The other week I wore a dress since we had a warmish day. I also was able to wear a new skirt and it's great to be dressing up a little again. Blues and greens seem right for this time of year. I like more flowing looser comfy clothes which have a relaxed weekend feel to them. More pockets is on my wishlist. I have even bought two of the same skirt in the same colour which has great pockets and a dress in two different colours which has pockets. There just aren't enough dresses and skirst with pockets around. 

Every so often I like to wear a pop of colour. Red is great. I wish there were more colours to choose from but these days the shops are a bit unimaginative. 

I like a short dress or skirt with leggings for that 70s vibe. I'm loving leggings and have a few that I adore but I'm always on the look out for more. Most of the leggings I see are for sportswear or their plain dull staples which I have plenty of.  

Smart casual is one of my go to looks. I've yet to buy trousers this season that will be my fun day pick me up. I've always found it hard to buy trousers although I'm a big fan of cargos and have two which will be my staples over the next few months. 

A beret adds a little flair to anything . I have a winter and spring berets which have lasted years. We definitely need more cool casual hats out there. 

Lounge wear became a massive trend with the pandemic and lockdown. I'm so ready to move on from that and put this year behind us. 

My wardrobe has gone through a makeover in the last twelve months. With each passing year, it's not just about trends but about what works for the time of your life and also knowing what you like or suits you after years of shopping. 

Thank goodness many retailers are improving their online shopping experience with free fast delivery and returns, reviews, lots of photoes and a decent range available. It makes shopping way too easy and the good ones, well they keep getting my money. Happy shopping fashion lovers! 

An African Escape

In the last year I've tried to capture the essence of holidays and travelling by exploring different areas of London and taking my travel camera along to see the city as a tourist. 

For a more foreign escape, I've been going to Africa with free live safaris on youtube with WildLife. They are at sunrise and sunset. The safaris are shown daily. It's pretty cool, but for the pandemic, I don't think this experience would be available. 

I've never been on an African safari. I've explored the Pantanal in Brazil and these WildEarth safaris remind me of that trip and the excitement of seeing animals, watching them and discovering a whole other world. 

They have previous live safaris available on their youtube channel too. If you like wild animals, it's worth taking a look. The live safaris are more exciting for me because you're seeing it with others and there's no pausing or fast forwarding. It feels more real and it's a great African escape for travel addicts who need a fix. 

For more information on WildEarth, you can also go to:

• You can watch daily livestreams of safaris including elephants, lions and hippos
• https://wildearth.tv/
  

A French Escape

I've been listening to French music lately. It makes a great change from the everyday. 

I discovered the French singer and actress, Louane, from the film La Famille Belier. The film is a comedy about a sixteen year old girl who interprets for her deaf family. Her newly discovered talent for singing may mean leaving home and moving away. It was quirky and amusing. 

Though my holidays to France might be over for now, music and films make a lovely little French escape possible. 

Prince - the Musical Genius

Prince was one of the greatest of my lifetime - an artist, performer and legend.

I saw him at one of his 21 days concerts at the O2 in London. That night was amazing.  It was September 13 and he performed with Sir Elton John too that night. 

After his passing, I went to a few screenings of Prince's movies. It was great to be around others who loved his music. I had always wanted to see him at a jazz festival and I had never made the time. 

There are so many great Prince songs. I still especially enjoy listening to the Diamonds and Pearls album now and then. There was a magic around those performance with the NPG. 

Today is the fifth anniversary of his death. This morning I listened to the Piano and a Microphone album. He was just so incredibly talented. 

Though he may be gone, we will be discovering more of his music for many years to come. 

Here are some other stories on Prince that you may be interested in:

• Exploring the unreleased music in Prince's vault 
• Prince 21 Nights at the O2 in London – 10 years on from the greatest show on Planet Earth
  
• A Final Visit With Prince: Rolling Stone’s Lost Cover Story
  
• Prince tribute
  
• Elton John's tribute
  

We are the Lucky Ones

We are the lucky ones. We live in a time when there are opportunities because of technology and globalisation. 

We've made strides in medicine. There's laws about equality and a society that supports education for everyone. 

A hundred years ago, it was a different world. 

We find things to be unhappy about. We focus on the half empty glass. How can we change these habits?

We compare ourselves to others. We compare last year to this year. In fact, we can be miserable or just make the best out of a situation and be happy with what we have. 

We can have goals and dreams but be happy knowing we are working towards them. 

There are circumstances that unhappiness can be a sign that you want to make changes to your life. Unhappiness is an important emotion to help you navigate safely and healthily through life. 

At the end of the day, happiness is a choice that we make. 

Today I spent the afternoon gardenong. It was satisfying. I wish I had a big garden with lots of flowers. However I am happy that I am able to watch plants grow. Every small flower on my balcony is a small success. 

One day I might have a big garden. Until then, I choose to focus on the positivity of now. 

The Funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh

It was sunny day in London on Saturday. Restaurants and shops have opened after months of lockdown. The country is resuming after its pause though its Royal family are mourning the loss of Prince Philip. 

The funeral was at 3pm. I watched the funeral on television, listened to the commentators afterwards and read reactions on Twitter. I cried for the Queen, her children and their families. 

Queen Elizabeth is the longest reigning English monarch in history. She has ruled in a period where more women have become leaders. Patriarchal systems are questioned and the role of women in our society has developed beyond what I imagined as a child. 

The Duke has been by her side supporting her career and looking after the children. He was the modern day man. 

They both made sacrifices which is the duty of a Royal family, but their contribution and legacy to this country and the world will be felt for hundreds of years to come. 

Cheers to the Queen, the Duke and all they have achieved. 🥂

 

Grief

I watched a zoom memorial recording this morning. I knew the deceased, but not very well. When I heard that she had passed, it felt surreal and until I saw the memorial, I thought may be it was a mistake and she was somehow still alive. 

As each person came on to the screen and spoke, you could see the shock, struggle and grief that overcame them. 

We live in a world of Zoom memorial recordings. It's captured online for everyone to see. 

They talked about her life and the feelings of loss. There were tears. 

Tomorrow is the funeral  service of HRH The Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip. He will be buried in Windsor. 

These death have made me reflect about my own life and all the dreams that are yet to be realised. I wonder about my own funeral, who would come and their grief. 

It feels wrong to be so focused on death rather than on the living. The thing is there is no right or wrong. It just is the present thoughts and emotions I am experiencing. 

My own experiences of grief from the loss of loved ones was very painful. These days, there are more tools and resources to help us cope. 

Inner space had a useful podcast on coping with grief last year. After listening to the podcast, I found an article about the four tasks of mourning 

People come in and out of our lives. We can rage against the night, deny our feelings or do anything which will help  us heal. The wound will always be there, but it will not be so fresh or raw. 

HRH The Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip's death - outside London's Buckingham Palace

It's been a sad week for the Royal family with the passing of Prince Philip. He was a beloved husband, father, grandfather and great grandfather. 

People in London have left flowers and messages in front of Buckingham Palace. The mood is sombre and respectful. There is a noticeable police presence. By Green Park, a large contingency of press tents have been set up too. 

Though leaving flowers has been discouraged and a note indicates they will be regularly cleared away, it seems fitting that these flowers are laid here and outside other palaces. The public wants to grieve and show their respect for his years of service and contribution to the world. 

It is a time for compassion for those who are grieving. It is a time for kindness to family, friends and strangers after a year that has been challenging for everyone, which now culminates in the loss of a key figure of the Royal family. 

Prince Philip's funeral takes place at the chapel in the grounds of Windsor Castle at 15:00 BST this Saturday 17 April 2021. It will be televised live as due to COVID-19 restrictions, only 30 people can attend. There is an online book of condolence for members of the public who wish to leave a message for the Royal family. 

Reducing the Side Effects of the Covid-19 Vaccine

My Mum was a nurse and before she had the vaccine, she researched it. A really useful article she sent was about reducing side effects. 

It made the very logical point that before your vaccine, look after your immune system - eat well, get enough sleep, and do not overextend yourself physically. 

Vaccines are introducing a dead protein of the virus or a weakened version of a common cold virus into your body to produce antibodies. You want to equip your body with the tools to help fight any virus and make antibodies. 

Just as we need to keep our immune system strong if we haven't been vaccinated or even if we have because of variants out there, we want to be mindful of this the week before our vaccine is administered. 

I'm not a doctor, but the article did refer to several experts. Check some reliable sources and make up your own mind about it all. 

The only way we get out of this mess is if we vaccinate locally and globally. Until we reduce transmission, a circulating viris has the opportunity to spread and mutate. 

Though the effectiveness against serious illness of covid-19 is 80 - 90% of any vaccine, it is better than 0% protection. We're on our way out of this crisis if we all work together. Social distancing and masks in the UK still needs to be a part of our lives if we have open borders until globally we are all vaccinated.

Talk to your doctor if you have any concerns. Speak to other doctors if you want a second or third opinion. You're entitled to your views and decisions, but understand that what your fears or worroes are about and weigh it up with the other risks out there. 

Be safe and healthy. C7. 

The little things

I notice that when I'm tired or worried about anything, I become more easily annoyed. It's hard to not be critical or judgmental of dog walkers who don't clean up after their pets or cyclists who are riding too quickly in pedestrian areas. 

I've tried to resolve these emotions and not let it upset what would otherwise be a pleasant walk. I think about how most people are considerate and the majority of people are considerate. This helps a little. 

The challenge is finding more compassion for people who may  have had a bad day and had a good reason or didn't intend to not clean up after their dog or stress pedestrians out. I like to see the good in everyone and believe we are all in essence good. I know this isn't always possible and I shouldn't beat myself up when I'm not able to do this. I don't need to be nice to people I don't know in my head. It's a bit silly, I know. 

What I've realised is that I am tired and I need to really listen to what my body and mind are trying to tell me. I want to take more time to reflect and so the little things won't phase me so much because I feel strong and able to deal with things. Sometimes I get so caught up in the busyness of stuff and I need to slow down or flash a big red STOP sign in my head. 

The thing is we are so automated to want Green and go, rather than red and stop. Red keeps us safe from oncoming traffic. Stopping is needed to refuel. Embracing red and stopping - it's an interesting idea which I'll park for tonight. 

Prioritising not Procrastinating

There's only so many hours in the day. It's easy to become distracted and end up finding the day has disappeared. It's partly procrastination or not feeling motivated. 

When I've started a new project, old ones that are almost near completion are set aside. I'm sure there is a term for this. I'm sure it has something to do with fear of criticism and failure. 

There's all sorts of advice about needing to fail to succeed and learning to fail. It's strange setting out to fail. The reality is that failure is not inevitable. This might be an occasion when you don't fail. 

Also we can rename failure as a stepping stone or part of the learning curve. 

I guess recognising, acknowledging and trying to address the problem is a start. Next, I want to improve and develop my ability to accept that I've done the best that I can and complete rather than procrastinate. 

It's a bit of the perfectionist in me. I'm trying to be more compassionate and less judgmental. So I'm still a huge work in progress, but then again, isn't everyone? 

For those we have loved and lost

The passing of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of those that I have loved and lost. It has reinvigorated me to make the  most out of my life and to pursue my dreams. 

When I was in my teens and 20s, I would often say that I wanted to live without regrets. I've become more of a realist in that I know that I have many regrets and there will be more in the future. It's a part of life. 

I never really knew my grandfathers. They passed away when I was a child. The concept of grief was foreign to me then. 

It was only when a friend died in her late 20s that I understood grief and experienced the seismic collapse of my world. I received a call when I was at work. I left the office and cried uncontrollably. A colleague had to collect my belongings and pack up for me. At home I sobbed for weeks and numbed the emotions by watching tv. I'd burst into tears at random times like when I was doing the ironing or washing the dishes. In those quiet moments, the tears would creep up, out and down my cheeks. It was hard for me to process all that had happened - my guilt, pain, helplessness and appreciating my own mortality. Before this, as a young woman, I'd felt carefree in some ways and was naive to the tragedies of life.  

In the last year, many people have lost loved ones. It's hard to find meaning in why their time has come and why we are left behind. We go to funerals and care for others to feel less alone and less helpless.  We voice our views and protest for the vulnerable so they may be protected and not needlessly lose their lives. 

My experiences of losing people has made me more compassionate and sensitive to any loss of life. I empathise and understand those that have joined this unfortunate club of grief. Until you have lost someone close to you, you never really understand what it means. 

I visited a death cafe years ago and wept. I had never spoken about death to a group of strangers and exposed myself in this way. It was actually very cathartic because we don't often speak about the deceased and sometimes we need to. 

Just as mental health was taboo, death and grief isn't talked about much. We cry privately, wondering how the sun still shines and the world keeps turning. We put on our happy face, carry on and do our best.

The reality is that we aren't all resilient or able to navigate loss. It's not on the syllabus in school nor on the list for parents like teaching kids how to ride a bike. 

Death sucks. 

Each time I lose someone, I struggle with the loss. It doesn't get easier. When the pandemic began, I wondered if I might die or lose any family or friends. I know friends of friends who have died. A writing teacher I met on zoom also passed away. 

We are the lucky ones who have our lives to live. 

I wish I was less of a perfectionist

I can't help putting 110% into whatever I do. It just doesn't sit right with me when I try to do less. It is a slow uphill road working on my perfectionist tendency. 

It's hard to accept that I am far from perfect and not judge myself for my failings. I realise I would be happier if I embrace and love myself for who I am today. 

This week I've been doing more self development. It's tricky trying to find a balance between improving things, strengthening my self esteem and quieting that inner critic. 

So in an effort to be less of a perfectionist, here is a photo which I would frame differently and probably not post because it's not exactly right for this post. I'm writing a short post and it could be crafted better. 

There is perfection in imperfection and it is possible to find satisfaction in just doing rather than setting some kind of standard.  

Prince Phillip - Family, Career and Country

HRH Prince Philip
The Duke of Edinburgh

1921 - 2021
RIP

He made sacrifices for love, family and country. HRH was a public figure who was a husband, father, grandfather and great grandfather. 

Grief is process. It is painful. Change is hard. 

Families are complicated and when the family business is a large part of your life, well it's a whole unfathomable other story. I feel compassion for the struggles ahead for the very private needs of the family who will have no choice but to be publicly scrutinised through the difficult next few months. 

We all have one life and we will all die one day. We go on autopilot, put off what we could do and think our dreams will eventually come true. However there is the risk we will regret our sacrifices and procrastinations. 

Also, I wonder if we can excel in all aspects of life - health, career, family and finances - or dwhether we have to make sacrifices in one area or more to be happy in the others. 

We are living in a period with the possibility of living to a ripe old age with decades after retirement. Perhaps even in this age when we are conscious of time, we think we will have more of it in the future which makes us complacent and affects our decisions today. 

Death is a time for reflection, sadness, celebration of a life and appreciating those still with us. 

The Duke of Edinburgh was nearly 100. What an extraordinary life! A nation and world was the better because of who he was and what he did. It is a historical moment. 

If you are grieving, please know there are lots of resources out there or friends new and old who will be there. I have sadly had to grieve for loved ones and it is challenging. Time helped but there are no words that can be said to ease the earth shattering feelings of losing someone and never seeing them again. 

I remember after losing a friend who died in her late 20s, one colleague asked me to go to lunch with some others on my first day back to work. It was such a comfort to be around people. Another colleague who had lost her father was there for me to talk to. Their small acts of kindness have stayed with me long after those friendships have ended. I will always remember them and be grateful. 

We are living in a time when life is filled with more uncertainties with death knocking unexpectedly on our door. Be safe and well. 🤗

If you want a feel good Royal family post, read and check out the photoes from the great day I had on William and Kate's wedding day in London. 

Core Beliefs, Motivations, Habits and Routines

Chocolate from Dark Sugars Store in London

 

Today I started with a YouTube video on core beliefs then went down a small rabbit hole of TedX videos. Note to self, watch one video a day to prevent information overload. 

I was reminded about mantras which can be a useful way to help change our core beliefs. On my walk this evening, I said a couple of mantras. 

Another interesting point that I learnt from one of the videos was that we are motivated by a positive outcome rather than a negative fear based one. So for example I want to eat healthy because I will feel good about myself rather than I want to eat healthy because I will get fat. 

The use of want instead of should helps to feel more empowered. 

The other tip was to change small habits which can produce momentum for more changes. So for example I've been snacking on chocolate and crisps lately. I used to be really disciplined and chocolate was a treat maybe once every few months. I rarely ate crisps. 

Yesterday I started the morning by adding some spirulina to my oats. When I have spirulina it makes me feel extra healthy and it sets the tone for my day.  Today I had a homemade banana smoothie with some cocoa and a tablespoon of peanut butter. This evening I had a large bowl of pineapple. So that's two days of no naughty snacking! 

I want to continue to be healthier. It feels like these mini morning studies are putting me back on track with what I really want. It's been great to change my routine in this way. It has meant reading and listening to less about the news. I plan to continue with these self-development sessions for the rest of the week. 

If you're interested in the YouTube videos that I'm watching, you can checkout my YouTube Health & Happiness playlist.